I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sobbing to NWA
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
