I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
