im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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