garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
