I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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