She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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