that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
