im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize