I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
