Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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