We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize