I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So vagazzling was a success
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
