mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
