the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
