I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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