Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
