Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
