I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
