Jerry, you need to find god
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
