Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize