So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
