Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
