If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
