so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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