i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
