if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
