all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
