apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
