I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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