at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
