its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
