Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize