It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
