I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
40s are totally the cure
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize