Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
