tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
