and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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