Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
