She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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