Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
