he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
