I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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