and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
