i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize