I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
