I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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