whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
