Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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