Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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