i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
