I want to have your abortion
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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