Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
