I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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