Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
