I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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