do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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