hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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