i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
