He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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