well you can't waste a boner
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
