and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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