My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
