He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
