Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize