I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
