Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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