I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
