I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
