my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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