I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
