New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
