I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A bitchslap is in order.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize