He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
