before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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