somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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