Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
